brief appearance from the void to say hello, you are all lovely people, i’m sorry i haven’t been around but i have deeply enjoyed all the submissions i’ve gotten recently, here’s a picture of robert downey junior with inexplicable head hair and visible chest hair wearing a blazer that is incredibly blue in nature and seducing you with the power of his eyes
someday i will return from the void in earnest and actually write a blog or two but i’ve been blogging for work and also blogging in my spare time would i think just be too much blogging
(my personal blog is here if you are here for the personality of the robert blogger but it is mostly weeping about literary theory and vikings and hannibal [hannibal, amirite] these days so, you know, whatever)
2:36 pm • 13 April 2013 • 7 notes
#xoxoxo your robert blogger
the only positive thing i have to say about this photograph is that your wife is, as ever, incredibly lovely because YOUR OUTFIT IS THE MOST TRAGIC THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. (excepting, possibly, your other tragic outfits and/or the film lawrence of arabia. but i digress.)
do you know how many insipid greeny browns you are wearing robert?
you are wearing seven different shades of the same color.
i honestly thought i had plumbed the horrific and unfathomable abyss of your color incompetence but NO, IT HAS REACHED APPROXIMATELY THE DEPTH OF THE MARIANA TRENCH, robert this is appalling.
here is a handy bullet list of all the horrible browny greens.
- the wide stripe on the hat
- the thin stripe on the hat
- the hideous hat itself which would honestly be much improved by a good soaking of gasoline and perhaps a match
- the background of your tshirt
- the pattern on your tshirt which robert i cannot even tell what that is. it seems vaguely vinelike in nature and looks like something my enormously unartistic little sister would draw.
- the fact that you have owned this shirt for ages which is inexcusable robert because you are a multimillionaire and can afford better clothes than this
- the background of your pants
- THE CROTCH-LEVEL STRIPE ON YOUR PANTS. honestly robert that stripe is incredibly ill-placed and also completely unnecessary. you are a movie star. everyone is going to be looking at your crotch anyway. there is NO NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION TO IT PARTICULARLY.
in fact the only thing on your body that is not an insipid greeny brown is the stripe of what might be your man purse, which i have to SIDE-EYE ON PRINCIPLE.
robert. just….just stick to purple for me, will you?
8:04 am • 19 October 2012 • 48 notes
#robert downey jr
#i come from the VASTY DEEPS of my internetless apartment to bring you a robert
#i am being somewhat lax about my definition of 'the same color' but whatever
#i am also being somewhat unfair to my little sister who is in fact quite artistic but cannot really draw at all
tmblake reblogged your photo:
For your information, it is all the rage in Paris for men to wear brightly colored socks with their dark suits.
It is also all the rage for men to wear tight brightly colored pants
Robert Downey Jr. in neon pink skinny jeans.
I’M IMAGINING, I’M IMAGINING
i can’t tell if i like this mental image or not
this will trouble me for the rest of the day.
8:48 am • 13 September 2012 • 17 notes
#omfg that was NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WHEN I CLICKED ON YOUR REBLOG
#you don't even want to know the face i made as i was reading
Sherlocks vs. Green Winter Coats
oh, heavens. this is that one time when you wore this ridiculous coat over your suit at a red carpet event, isn’t it? ALL BAD CHOICES. particularly with that fuzzy hood.
AND THE HAT. i think that among all the egregious outings of the hat this one is and always will be THE WORST because it bears no relation to the huge puffy green coat at all.
benedict. no. just no.
dear heavens. you too are wearing a green coat over a suit—it isn’t a complete suit even, the PINSTRIPES ARE DIFFERENT, NO ROBERT SUITS ARE NOT MIX AND MATCH—and it too DOES NOT WORK AT ALL.
FURTHERMORE. you are ALSO WEARING orange accented basketball shoes. this is NOT APPROPRIATE ON ANY LEVEL, particularly when combined with a suit.
robert. please try to match. for the sake of my sanity.
…………………………….i don’t. understand. your moustache.
from what i can see, though, your coat isn’t the literal worst, although that color of green is slightly nauseating.
jonathan. i am so glad you no longer sport this moustache.
VERDICT: I honestly cannot even decide. Benedict’s hat! Robert’s shoes! Jonathan’s moustache! it is all awful. SHERLOCKS. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRESS.
1:47 pm • 7 September 2012 • 36 notes
#Robert Downey Jr
#Jonny Lee Miller
#YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS WHEN I FOUND THAT PICTURE OF JONATHAN
#robert's coat might actually be grey?
#i have problems with color identification sometimes
#also i have queued this and i am in an INTERVIEW RIGHT NOW FOR THE ACTUAL PERFECT JOB OF PERFECTION
#also this is an elementary-friendly space
#if you're thinking about replying to this post with 'lolol elementary sucks!!1!!': don't.
#i couldn't find a picture of jeremy brett wearing a hideous green coat
#oddly specific google image search of the day
wantingallthethings asked: I love this blog more than Robert loves purple (yes, that's possible). I only have one request, my dear. Can we please please please have more Sherlocks What Are You Doing? Your Sherlock snarkiness is epic and sorely missed.
11:05 pm • 6 September 2012 • 9 notes
#asks: i answer them!
#i have a REALLY EPIC sherlockswhatareyoudoing planned for tomorrow
#IT WILL BE EPIC
what even is this
STRIPES, and more stripes, AND THEN ALSO MORE STRIPES DOES NOT COUNT AS MATCHING, ROBERT, particularly when each set of stripes is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER
for the record, black and then different black also does not count as matching. those shoes are a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TONE OF BLACK FROM THE SUIT, robert.
i think you might be trying to seduce me but i can’t tell because i’m blinded from the stripes.
and your choice to wear hot pink socks.
robert. please chill with the stripes. i promise wearing solid colors won’t hurt.
10:35 pm • 6 September 2012 • 59 notes
#HEY CHECK IT OUT REPLIES ARE ENABLED!!!!
#robert downey jr
#purple will be mad because you're cheating on it with pink robert
#also let it be known that i fully support the right of a grown man to wear bright pink socks
#these particular bright pink socks however do not go with the outfit at all
#if this outfit was plain white shirt; pinstriped suit; and solid pink socks; then it would be great
#also as an art student i am v confused by the perspective on the box
#that can't be right??
Okay, first of all, I LOVE THIS BLOG. I laughed until I cried when I first found it. But I do have a quick question- why does the concept of the manpurse bother you so much? Is it just an easy thing to pick on? —asked by Anon
I ANSWERED THIS AND THEN TUMBLR ATE IT, UGH
first of all, THANKS SO MUCH ANON! i am glad you love the robert blog.
ah yes, the manpurse. I think the concept of a manpurse is GREAT when the person wearing it is not robert. his bags tend to be altogether the wrong style.
here is hugh jackman wearing a GREAT manpurse.
good material, slim strap, goes with what he’s wearing, doesn’t take up too much space, fits comfortably on the body. A++ manpurse. high fashion also does a generally great job with manpurses.
here is a picture of robert wearing a manpurse that is NOT AWFUL.
i tried to snark at this outfit a month ago and it wasn’t working so i gave up. this iteration of the manpurse works fairly well with the other colors and textures robert has going on. it doesn’t take up too much space.
this is a picture of robert with a HIDEOUS MANPURSE.
it clashes with the suit he’s wearing. you can tell that even if he was posing rather than candid it wouldn’t flow particularly well with the rest of his outfit. the material doesn’t look great. overall, a less than quality manpurse.
most of robert’s pictures feature manpurses like the third one.
12:01 am • 31 August 2012 • 9 notes
#this is a manpurse-supportive blog
#just not robert's manpurse
#if the word 'manpurse' makes anyone feel uncomfortable please let me know
#asks: i answer them!
that guy standing next to you must be my alter ego because he is giving you the side-eye I ONLY WISH I COULD HAVE GIVEN YOU IN THAT MOMENT.
WHAT IS THIS.
your tracksuit is velvet. you are wearing a velvet tracksuit robert. i don’t know what the natural habitat of velvet track suits is but it CERTAINLY SHOULD NOT BE THE BODY OF ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
compounding the sheer SCALE of this fashion disaster, your shirt is BRIGHT BRIGHT PINK and has a skull on it. i can’t tell what’s on the shoulder of it but it looks FAR TOO MUCH like an homage to the desktop icons of a clunky Windows XP computer for me to be comfortable with it. the only other spot of color in this outfit robert is the PURPLE HIGHTOPS which under different circumstances might have been acceptable (and we all know how much you love purple, robert) but in this case…no.
FINALLY. robert. THE MANPURSE. WHAT IS THAT. i might just choose to believe you are holding susan’s purse for her for a moment because overall that is the worst iteration of your sketchy manpurse i have ever seen and I AM SIDE-EYEING IT ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON.
robert. please. take a look in the mirror from time to time.
11:39 pm • 30 August 2012 • 75 notes
#i literally cried from laughing so hard when i got this in my inbox
#robert downey jr
#not what i expected from my inbox
#ROBERT HOW HAVE YOU STOOPED SO LOW
#I AM ASHAMED AND APPALLED ON YOUR BEHALF
Anonymous asked: Okay. June 15, and that photo of RDJ in what looks like a knitted vest. I just have to point out that by far the most bizarre thing about this, to me, is that he's wearing his cravat INSIDE his shirt collar. What even?
TIME FOR SOME EDUCATION!!!
this is the picture anon is talking about.
it is overall a fashion disaster, but the TYING OF THE NECKCLOTH IS VALID. (even though I am fairly certain he should have unbuttoned the shirt one more button or worn a different shirt collar, that collar is STARCHED TO WITHIN AN INCH OF ITS LIFE.)
that style of tie is in fact called an ascot.
it is worn within the shirt. it gets its name from the Royal Ascot race meeting and was a kind of ‘day cravat’, worn with formal dress during the day (as opposed to the more formal cravat worn with evening dress. ah the intricacies of fashion in the late 1800’s). the ascot worn inside the shirt is the traditional form; it can also be worn outside the shirt.
BONUS PICTURE: your robert blogger wears an ascot.
6:45 pm • 25 August 2012 • 14 notes
#OVERALL THIS IS A HORRIBLE OUTFIT but the tie is fine
#still on semi-hiatus SORRY.
#MY FACE WHAT?
#i am assuming my tie-identifying skills are valid
#that's my favorite shirt in the entire world guys
#i really really really can't remember how i know what an ascot is
#it's kind of bothering me
Anonymous asked: This blog... this is the greatest blog, like, ever. I can't stop laughing. The outfits are funny enough on their own, but then you come in with snark and BAM I am laughing like a madwoman.
10:59 pm • 19 August 2012 • 4 notes
#asks: i answer them
#answering this was basically just an excuse to use this gif